This song is about my mom (yes, again). I wrote and recorded this song about two years ago, and I'd kept putting off finishing it up. A lot of things have changed in my life. I lost both my grandparents on her side this year. I felt so guilty, but when my grandpa finally passed, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. He was hurting; you could see it in his eyes, in how he walked and spoke. No one should have to bury their child. No one should have to live without their soulmate.
I'm not a religious person, but if there's an afterlife, I hope they're all happy together.
It's always been a lot to think about what else I could do.
Gnawing on my mind: could I have done something to save you?
I know it's not my fault. I know I should move on and pull through,
But what went through your mind deciding that motel was a tomb?
The hole you left is still right here, and I'll never fill it in.
It's been a fucking shitty year, and I wish that it would end.
I've come so far and learned so much, and I know you're proud of me.
I hope you're happy where you are--no, you don't feel a thing.
The choices that you made leading to setting yourself free-
The impact that you left, choosing to stay...
Or go away.